Boulevard of Broken Words

  Do Tell Me By: Megan I lay alone, yet again, waiting for someone to respond. My heart is crushed when all I get is an email from a subscription I don’t even want. I feel lost and confused. “Why isn’t anyone texting back?” “Am I not cool enough for them?” “Is it not worth it to them?” My body craves validation and soaks it up in any way possible. At the end of a long day, all I want to hear is “Megan, you’re really funny.” Or “Megan, I enjoyed talking to you today.” Anything, really, would work. But instead I get silence. I get waves of emotions flooding my core. I get paralyzing fear that “maybe they don’t like me anymore.” Feeling more worthless by the minute. My anxiety picks up on a rampage. “I’m not good enough.” “I’m not smart enough.” “I’m not pretty enough.” It’s funny because during the day I am on a high. “I am beautiful!” “I am the best person to ever exist!” “I am freaking hot and gorgeous,  everyone is gonna fall for me!” But at night… At night, the script is fli...

OK To Be Okay By: Megan The endless mind she has is always ticking. Thinking of something else it needs to do or be. Thinking of other ways to reach a goal that seems too far away. It has been on overdrive all of its life. She wonders what it would be like to take a break. But she is not okay so it doesn’t stop. Thinking “what would happen if I become okay?” “Will I be less interesting or less fun?” “Will people like me the same or will they leave like before?”  She does not think it is okay to be okay. Because she has never been okay. It has become her identity. But being okay is okay. People might even like her more. And she would be happy and free. She would sail over the clouds with her confidence and take on the lions staring her down. The scary thoughts make everything seem impossible. The end is near, but out of reach. She is constantly trying, all the while, everyone reminds her that they like her more when she is not okay. She wonders if she will ever escape the misery, an...

 You Made Me Feel Again By: Megan Lost and broken was what I was.  Nothing seemed to matter. My life was in a thousand pieces that were constantly being shattered. I was ripped apart daily while going up against Goliath. My battle face was always on, and I was numb to the core. Because that's all I had to live for. You walked in nonchalantly and that was all it took. In a matter of days, everything changed.  I was restored and held every glimmer of hope there was to offer. My smile shined up and down the block and was as wide as the eye can see. I was filled with emotions almost instantaneously.  How could this really be? How did one person walk in and change everything for me? I swear my laughs were louder than ever and felt real, unlike those before that were masking my numbness.  I was alive. My heart would beat through my chest and every ounce of my being was filled with joy.  You made me feel happy. You made me feel sad. You made me feel excited even w...

  Feelings By: Megan The one thing I hate most is feelings. Feeling like I’m never good enough. Like I'm worthless. Like I don’t deserve it. All feelings that stem from other people’s value they placed onto me. From how people treat me And by how they interact with me. I was not warned of the sadness that would overwhelm me when I joined a conversation and it dulled to an end. Or the depression I would dive into after people decided to make fun of the things that made me, me. And especially of the anxiety filling my body when people would not respond to my endless texts. Feelings  Feelings  Feelings All dictated by others who either pretend to care or are too ignorant to pay attention. Carelessly leaving impressions in my brain of the tragedy that ensued. But who cares? Certainly not I. For I have been tossed around for far too long to even be surprised. Manipulated by the words of others and lied to so that they won’t feel bad. Why do my feelings matter less? And why are...

   The Day My World Stopped By: Megan  Lightning struck the ground as thunder rippled throughout the town. The murky sky helped foreshadow the inevitable. Clueless as to what would happen, my day went on as usual. I moved in robotic motions that will forever haunt me. My body seemed to know what would happen, but my innocence had no idea.  To be honest, I couldn't tell you what happened next. It was all a blur. The ground shook under me and I was gone. Slipped away by the edge of fate. Unappreciative of the life I had. The life I will never get back. I awoke in sudden shock. Pain filled my body as I tried to grasp my new normal.  "Normal." The reality was I would never be normal or even close to it ever again. My brain churned information trying to process all that was happening. None of it made sense.  How could this be happening to ME? But I was not supposed to understand. And as for the plotline, well, it made it interesting.

Eyes Up By: Megan Looking back at it now I miss my old days. The ones where I didn’t care what others said Or wouldn’t breakdown every week over something stupid. I miss the days when I would not think about what I was going to wear Or would act silly just because. I miss the days when I would walk with my eyes up instead of my head sunk to the ground trying to disappear. Truth is those days were only a year ago. I think to myself what happened to me? Why can’t I go back to being her? I try so hard to just look up every once in a while But then I lock eyes with someone and painfully want to get out. Confidence is not something that lies within me. I created it. And when cities have been created they can be destroyed twice as fast. The destroyer came along and ripped up every piece of me and threw me like I was nothing. And now I am here trying to put my pieces back together  But there are far too many and they are deeply wounded.

     Welcome To My World By: Megan     Hi, I'm Megan. I have been writing down my thoughts since I could pick up a pen. I used to think of writing as something that I had to do, but I am going back to my roots and writing for fun and for myself. It is a great outlet for me. I have been told that my poems break the rules of poetry, but I like to think they are just broken words. I will be posting poems and other creative writings. Follow me and my crazy thoughts as I express my feelings, as well as myself and others.